Another new blog, eh? I mean, it's not like I'm good at keeping things going. Oh sure, I start off all full of ideas and motivation, so sure that this will be the time I make a go of things, but it always peters out eventually. So why bother?
Well, hell, why not? Maybe I'll get bored (or, more likely, devoid of inspiration) and leave this blog languishing like all the others in a week or so, when the after-effects of my latest psychotic break wear away and leave me feeling insulated again. But then again, maybe not. For now, the pain and the fear and the questions (oh the many fucking questions) are bright and shining, reverberating through my consciousness like a beating, guilt stuffed heart shoved under the floor boards begging for validation. And I, dear reader, haven't got a notebook, so the gut spilling will take place here, on the wide open internet for the world to see, if the world ever happens to stumble upon this.
I guess the main and overwhelming question I need to deal with at the moment, is where is the line between a panic attack and a psychotic break, and, (for me personally) is it even possible to have the former without the latter? So, I mean, yeah... fun times! So far, my biggest take away from this latest rejection of reality is the futility of assuming that I'm "cured" or whatever nonsense it is I've been feeding myself for the past 18 years. I'm not. It's always going to be there, waiting to step in and take the reins when I push myself too far. Still, I suppose forewarned is forearmed or some shit.
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