Still attempting to get in to see the GP before they break up for Christmas. While I wait for that, I've been researching resources on line. There is so much out there I wasn't aware of. I've learned about TUFR and WRAP, and Rethink. I've found out that there is an Twitter community using the #schizotribe hashtag to connect with and support each other. There is so much more information readily available than there was 20 years ago. It is really encouraging and, I think, empowering.
I'm going to go out and get myself a notebook. In it, I'll list all my positive and negative symptoms, past and present. Everything I can remember, everything I can put into words. Then I'm going to make myself up a chart. A sort of weekly grading system, so I can monitor my symptoms and my stress, keep myself aware of when and where I'm slipping. I was mainly "asymptomatic" for 18 years without meds, and whether or not I wind up back on them, there is no reason why I shouldn't be again. I'm tragically disorganized by nature, but I think having a self assessment method in place will help me both long and short term. In the short term, it will give me a reference of concrete things I can share with my GP and whomever I get referred to from there. In the long term, it should make self care much easier, as I will be able to see ahead of time when I need to go easier on myself, or seek out assistance.
As for my current state, I am mostly settled into the aftermath, the negative symptoms, with only the occasional delusional thought process or minor visual/auditory/tactile hallucination popping up. It is usually a momentary thing that is easily packed away, now. My motivation, on the other hand, is at zero. My ability to concentrate is severely limited at this point, and my self care is suffering, although not so much so that it's terribly noticeable to others. I'm still a bit withdrawn emotionally, and finding it very hard to relax. I'm aware of all this, though, so working to find ways to stop withdrawing.
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